The Power of Resiliency

I sat in the front row during a recent gymnastics competition, holding my breath as these strong young women flew through the air on the uneven bars. One girl in particular caught my eye. She was so confident, so sharp, that when she unexpectedly fell during a transfer from the high bar to low bar, there was an audible gasp from the spectators. She landed in a crumpled ball on the mat as her coaches and a medic ran to her side. It was so quiet in the once-noisy gym that you could hear a pin drop.

Within a few minutes – that seemed like hours – she stood up and shyly waved to the crowd. She was smiling through tears but I saw the look in her eyes. She wasn’t giving up as she headed over to the balance beam. My daughter, sitting next to me, turned to me and said, “She’s going to get a terrible score now.” I knew my daughter was right, but I told her that didn’t matter.

“Why not?” she said curiously. “That girl was one of the best and now she won’t get a medal,” my daughter said sadly. I looked at her and simply said, “Yes, but she’s resilient. And that’s worth more than a medal any day.”

My pre-teen looked at me with questioning eyes. I understood that she didn’t yet fully understand what I meant, but I wanted to teach her why resiliency mattered most. Why resiliency is the real skill that keeps us all going, every day. Not just athletes – all of us.

I thought back to the (many) times I failed at something or something didn’t quite go my way: rejection from a school, job, or the popular clique; failure on a test or in a relationship; disappointments; health scares and financial challenges.

Life.

In every moment, in all of the ups and downs of growing, learning, loving, what makes us keep going? What makes us get up again, try again, not give up? It’s resiliency. And the only way to learn it is to fail, to lose, to get hurt, to make a mistake, and to get rejected. Ouch.

Like so many of us, I get angry, sad, frustrated, and depressed when things don’t go as planned. It took a few health challenges of my own to change my perspective on this – the universe has a funny way of teaching us the lessons we need to learn when we don’t listen and learn the first dozen times. All those times I couldn’t get out of bed or walk up a flight of stairs didn’t break me. I tried again the next day, and the next. And I not only learned about self-care and compassion for others, but I learned how to be resilient.

I became empowered in that resiliency. And I discovered that resiliency is, ultimately, a gift.

You parents out there advocating on behalf of your kids every day, despite your own health challenges, constant grief over the loss of a loved one, childhood traumas of your own, or the career sacrifices you made for your kids, that’s resiliency.

You students out there that keep doing your best despite a failed test, learning challenges, a rejection from college, or feeling left out socially, that’s resiliency.

You athletes out there heading back to the gym or to a competition despite an injury or setback, that’s resiliency.

You dreamers out there that are working toward scary new goals, changing careers, getting a new degree, or running a business despite constant setbacks and critical judgment, that’s resiliency.

It may not feel like it at the time, but that resiliency really is a gift. It’s what keeps us going, gives us the courage to try again, and helps us to learn how to do better the next time. And it gives us the compassion and understanding to help others move through their challenges, too.

So, fail forward. Take the leap and fall off the bars. Get up every time you get knocked down. The blessings are not just in the winning or in the succeeding, but in the courage to be resilient, to keep trying, and to enjoy the ride.

Yes, there is joy in the journey. And there is great reward in learning for ourselves – and in teaching our children – that it’s not just about the medals or the trophies or the good grades or the money or the public accolades . . . it’s about the impact you make on the world around you, the legacy you leave, and character you develop along the way.

*Excerpted from the upcoming book Hustling for Joy, by Rosemarie Coppola-Baldwin