Can Kids Be Empowered with Chores?

Over the past several weeks, I’ve noticed some friends sharing a kids’ “chore chart” that explains the types of chores that children can do at each age. I read it and re-read it several times, wavering between guilt that I don’t have my kids do enough chores around the house, and defiance, thinking to myself that they are only young once and should enjoy their youth before the responsibilities of adulthood crush them.

Knowing that the truth was somewhere in the middle, I decided to give my children some basic chores, things they probably should have been doing all along, like wiping the toothpaste that inevitably covers the sink and hanging up the towels that somehow remain on the floor after showers.

I was feeling pretty pleased with our measured progress – and then I hurt my back. Nothing that serious, but I sustained a fairly painful back injury that rendered me completely useless for weeks. I could barely stand, I could not walk, and I was trying to manage the pain and chiropractic treatments along with work and all the mommy chores we all have to do daily.

As I nursed my injury, it dawned on me (OK, fell on me like a pile of bricks) that I had been doing too much for my kids all along, and in turn, I had pretty much rendered them useless.

At almost 10 and almost 6, my children were far more capable of handling household chores than I ever gave them credit for. I knew in school that they had small jobs, and their teachers would tell me my kids were often helpful during class, but for some reason, that never translated into increasing their responsibilities at home.

Maybe it was my own Type-A personality, finding it easier to do it my way every time, or maybe it was my desire to preserve my children’s childhood as a long as possible, but – in retrospect – I evidently was doing too much for my kids.

And now I had no choice. I couldn’t even stand up; so the kids had to step it up. Even with my husband and family/friends helping out when they could, the kids were with me more than anyone else, and it became very clear fairly quickly that the daily “helping mommy” burden would fall squarely on them.

Much to my surprise (and chagrin if I’m being honest), the kids were much more capable of performing basic chores than I ever imagined. Having them just put away their toys was a fairly low standard, I discovered. Suddenly, when mommy actually couldn’t do anything, the kids could – and did.

My oldest was collecting and putting away laundry, making his bed, helping my little one get dressed and reach things, packing/unpacking his backpack and lunch for camp, and wiping down the table and counters; my little one would set the table for meals, put breakfast out for her and her brother, open all the shades, load the dishes into the dishwasher, and fetch things all over the house that mommy couldn’t get to. They performed countless little jobs throughout the day, as well, always asking how they could help and what mommy needed.

I was shocked to discover they wanted to help. They craved the responsibility, and they were empowered by it.

No fighting, no eye-rolling, and no complaining. Maybe I’m in a pre-teen sweet-spot, but I was both surprised and grateful for their compassion and willingness to lend a hand. They tried to ease my frustration, hugged me when I cried, and did whatever they could to make a tough time a bit easier. And that’s what families are all about, really.

As I continue to heal, I’ve realized that it would be counter-productive to go backwards and do everything I had been doing for the kids. Yes, I’m back to doing more than I did when I was in pain, but I am doing less for them now than I did before I got hurt. I’ve discovered that not only are the kids capable, but they are learning so much about being part of a family unit that works together.

More so, they are embracing their ability to be responsible little people. Part of parenting is learning as we go; and (albeit late), I learned a significant lesson this time. Maybe the “chore chart” isn’t a one-size-fits-all guideline, but the message rings true: chores can be good for kids (and families) for so many reasons. And really, wouldn’t it be nice not to have to make all the beds every morning?

* This article originally appeared on The Mommy Vortex.