Do We Value Our Jobs As Mothers?

When I was giving my daughter a bath a few nights ago, she asked me (somewhat out of the blue) when she could get married and have children. She’s almost six, so my first reaction was to tell her to enjoy her childhood, to have fun, and focus on school and her activities; that there would be time for all that. She looked at me thoughtfully but didn’t speak. So I realized there was more she wanted to say, and I asked her why she wanted to have her own family so badly, so soon.

My daughter looked at me square in the eye, and said, “I want to be a mother just like you. I want to take care of my kids and love them and have them love me just like you do. You have the best job in the whole world and I want it to.”

I was flabbergasted. Yes, I know my children love me. Yes, I know I – like all moms – do a lot for my kids despite the pressures of careers and social demands. But it never occurred to me that my kids see my parenting role as an actual job. Make no mistake, we all know it is a very hard job. To have a six year old recognize that, however, is humbling. And encouraging.

I’m not sure when, but somewhere along the line I began to devalue my job as a mother.

Perhaps I never even fully valued my role to begin with. Living in a society that gives us mothers an incredibly mixed message about our roles as parents and professionals, it’s not surprising that many of us tend to forget how incredibly important this parenting gig really is.

After all, the American society does not support new mothers at nearly the same level as other countries, especially when it comes to maternity leave, childcare options, and paid leave. The United States provides zero (yes, zero) days of paid maternity leave, whereas countries like the United Kingdom provide 280 days of maternity leave at 90% pay. This infographic tells a very disheartening story for us American moms.

New parents in the U.S. are given the message pretty early on that while parenting expectations are high (just check out the number of baby books, product catalogs, and advice blogs), society isn’t going to do much to help women in their added role of mother. As new moms struggle to take adequate maternity and childcare leave from their jobs, the point is clear: your role as mother is secondary to your (and your partner’s) role in society as a professional.

So it’s not so surprising, then, that we moms begin to think of our positions as ancillary – or worse – subordinate to other roles we and our partners play in society.

And we women don’t help this issue, either. We judge each other if we choose to work inside the home or out, if we work part- or full-time, if we choose to volunteer our time or if we are unable to do so because we are earning a paycheck.

It’s hard enough to be a good mother, and yet, we ourselves devalue each other’s roles as mothers based on a more pervasive societal message that we, as women and mothers, are simply not good enough, no matter what we do.

Hearing my daughter speak about my job as a mother with such love and awe changed something within me. I still often feel that I struggle to be a good mother, professional, friend – the list goes on and on – because I cannot focus 150% of my time and energy on any one thing anymore.

But I realize now that doesn’t mean my work in all areas of my life is worth any less.

The work we parents do as mothers, as professionals, as volunteers, it all matters. It all has value.

And, perhaps, it’s worth more now than in our pre-baby days, as our time is so scarce and our current priorities are truly that – priorities.

So I think it’s time we moms recognize and own how valuable we really are – especially in our children’s eyes. Because if my daughter wants to be a mother just like me, no matter what society says, no matter what other people say, there is really nothing more valuable than that.

* This article originally appeared on The Mommy Vortex.