The Mom Transition

A few weeks ago, on a very rainy Wednesday here in the Northeast, I decided to clean closets in the morning before I had to leave for a work event. For several hours, I was knee-deep in my kids’ outgrown clothes, sorting them into sizes and seasons to hand them down to friends and family.

Only two hours after I finished, I found myself giving an impromptu presentation about a project I was working on to elected officials and the local press. There was a moment while I was speaking in front of the crowd that I saw myself my mind’s eye, wrangling hangers and clothing.

It made me falter for a second, thinking of this other woman who was so foreign to me now, as I stood presenting in my suit at the podium.

Who was that mom in her sweats with her hair tied back, cleaning closets? Surely she couldn’t be the same woman giving a public presentation!

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t have this mini-identity crisis. I find myself transitioning back and forth, from mother to lawyer, from wife to professional, on a daily basis. I thought, as time went on, that I would become more comfortable with these hourly shifts in my persona and priorities. But instead, I find myself more and more confounded as to how so many of us women move (effortlessly?) from one genre to the next as life demands.

I was speaking to another mom about this, and she admitted to having the same difficulties, especially when having to transition from her professional persona to her mom duties. She explained how hard it was to go from being in control of a meeting or a project, to having to nurture and care for two little ones who are much more physically and emotionally demanding than most professional jobs. It made me think of those moms who are in the military, or who are ER doctors, or work in fire and police departments around the country. Those transitions must be especially jarring.

And yet we do it. We run to pick up our kids from school or daycare in our heels; we take them to dance lessons in our nursing uniforms; we cook dinner in our suits so as not to waste any time during those fleeting evening hours. We are always mothers – that position is etched deep within our souls.

Not being with our kids all day does not erode that role. We worry about our kids during our working hours, and conversely, we often worry about work when we are with our kids. And we constantly transition back and forth between these responsibilites in an effort to keep everything and everyone around us satisfied.

It’s tough not to lose ourselves during these transitions, because we know that we are even more than just our mom-selves and our professional-selves. We are friends, partners, daughters, sisters, and volunteers. And we have our own dreams and desires. Our identities are wrapped up in so many roles that it’s dizzying at times, maddening at others. I try to maintain a sense of humor about it, like when I reach into my work bag for a pen and pull out some plastic toy one of my kids shoved in there.

There are constant reminders that we are no longer defined by one thing in our life; we are suddenly mosaics, made up of the bits and pieces that define our lives as professional women and moms.

There are days I’m overwhelmed by these transitions. But most days, I’m grateful. I’m grateful that I get to experience life from so many different perspectives. And while that means I don’t “fit” in any one category, it does mean that I get to enjoy the richness of so many different experiences, often in a single day. And it’s nice to know that I’m not alone.

So the next time you find your mind wandering while you are in a business meeting, wondering whether you remembered to buy milk, keep in mind that there is at least one other mom in that room doing the exact same thing. And she, like you, will have to make that daily transition – kicking off her heels, running after her kids, and being grateful she gets to be at least two people in one day.

* This article originally appeared on The Mommy Vortex.