The Pitfalls of Instant Gratification

Last weekend, after lunch, I loaded my kids into the car to do some errands. We had just turned the corner at the end of my street, when my daughter asked for water. Before she could even finish her question, my son asked for a snack. We had left the house exactly 30 seconds earlier.

I’d like to say this was a rare occurrence, but I’d be lying. It’s constant. My kids relentlessly ask for drinks, snacks, toys, games, and entertainment when we are in the car. And I have to take responsibility for their incessant demands; clearly they wouldn’t be asking for these items had my husband and I not given in to them in the past.

Gone are the days of my own childhood, when we had to wait until we got to a rest stop – or got home – before we could get water and a snack. Long gone are the times when we would count mile markers or look for out-of-state license plates on the highway to pass the time in car.

No, now I have a mobile café in my front seat, along with a bevy of entertainment options.

I could feel the anger creeping up my body as I (somewhat calmly) told the kids that they just had to wait. I tried to work out in my brain how – and why – this kept happening.

And then it dawned on me. It was all about instant gratification.

My kids do not want, or expect, to wait for anything. Ever. And isn’t that just a pervasive issue in our culture today? We all can get almost anything we want, anytime of the day or night.

Movies, music, food, news, answers to questions, e-books, video chats with friends miles away, instant messaging via texts, real-time pictures . . . it’s all at our fingertips. We barely need to wait in line anymore, and if we think we might have to, well, I bet there’s an app for that, too. We have become a culture of people who know – and expect – that they can have something, anything, right now.

And I’m somewhat ashamed to admit that, somehow, I’ve passed that instant gratification expectation onto my children. Kids generally do not want to wait for anything, and today’s kids are even less inclined to be patient. I’d venture a guess that we are all doing our kids a disservice by not teaching them that, sometimes, you need to wait. There is value in patience, in waiting for things.

Sometimes, having something right now means giving up something better later.

It may mean being disrespectful to others around you as you demand immediate things; or not learning how to share and take turns; perhaps it means not listening patiently to what others have to say; or making a decision too rapidly; or even becoming so focused on a material good that less tangible, but more important things are ignored – or worse, taken for granted. Patience is a virtue, and I’ve discovered my kids have very little of it.

I’m not quite sure, though, how to reverse course.

The reality today is that modern technology and our fast-paced culture allow for instant connections in virtually every aspect of life. To some extent, we’re all victims and consumers. So I’ve had to actually force my kids to wait.

Like when they ask for water and snacks seconds after we leave the house – it’s not necessary and they can wait. Or when I’m in the middle of speaking to someone, and I hear “Mommy?” in a high-pitched squeal a dozen times before I can even turn my head . . . unless it’s an emergency (the definition of which is a true work in progress in our house), they have to wait until I’m done speaking. Or when we run errands, and my son says to me, “Can’t you just order that from Amazon?” Sorry, buddy, but we’re standing in line at the store.

It’s a constant battle. I worry that I’ve created little demanding monsters that have no concept of what it means to be patient, to wait for things. They, like most American kids, already have too much stuff. And yet, they can’t wait to get more: another video app download, a new toy, a new whatever. The list goes on and on and on. I don’t want to have the constant power struggles in my house, but if I don’t rein them in, who will? There has to be a happy medium. There has to be patience.

I’m not quite sure I’m making an impact (yet), but my kids at least now expect Mommy’s new “let’s wait a bit” approach. That hasn’t stopped them from relentlessly asking for things right now. But I hope, in time, as I stick to my “let’s wait” plan and manage their expectations, they will learn patience. Maybe they’ll even learn to appreciate it. Until then, I’ll just have to be patient – and wait.

* This article originally appeared on The Mommy Vortex.