Tying the Knot Days After 9/11

Editor's Note: After reading Relationships editor Elise McIntosh’s account last week about canceling her Aug. 27 wedding reception in the face of Tropical Storm Irene, a New Dorp resident reflects on the decision she made 10 years ago not to cancel her own wedding in the days after the World Trade Center attacks. By ROSEMARIE COPPOLA-BALDWIN I am quite empathetic to your situation, and I am keenly aware of the disappointment you all felt at not having the wedding you envisioned or meticulously planned for. I was married four days after 9/11/01. It was a bittersweet moment, one filled with fear, doubt, guilt and grief, as well as love, gratitude and hope. With heavy hearts, we decided to continue the wedding as planned, knowing that several of our out-of-town guests would not make it. Our priest had met with us to reaffirm that the sacrament we were receiving was full of hope and love. We prayed that exchanging vows that day would, hopefully, lift up those around us dealing with so much pain. Friends and relatives of our guests were still missing on our wedding day. At our afternoon reception, we asked the band to change their play list, so as not to have any upbeat dance songs. And we canceled our honeymoon cruise to Europe. It was a small compromise given the nightmare so many were living at that time. Although I did not have the joyous wedding I planned for, and although I still look back on that day with bittersweet emotions, I am often reminded by the friends and family who attended our wedding and reception that that day gave them hope, and reminded everyone what we all live for. There were three guests at my wedding that escaped the towers on that awful day – one of whom was getting fitted for his tux for my wedding and narrowly escaped death (he lost a significant number of his colleagues that day). My wedding day was one of so many difficult juxtapositions – so much guilt and sadness coupled with love and hope – because it did not escape any of us that as we ate and drank, the towers still burned a few miles away. Looking back, I’m still not sure we did the right thing by going ahead with the reception. But I have never once questioned our decision to marry that day – and over the years the reception has faded into the past with so many other events. I think, over time, that you will find your grounded, loving approach to your marriage and family during Hurricane Irene will outlive and outweigh any disappointment you experienced from your canceled reception.

* This article originally appeared in the Staten Island Advance.